My husband and I rarely do date nights. This is mostly because life is hectic and we are too cheap to hire a babysitter and go out. Yes, I admitted it. We are too cheap to go out anymore. However this last Saturday, we went out. To the cemetery. To look at burial plots. For us. We met with the kind Mrs. Gresham, who oversees the goings on of the city cemetery. My father in law joined us because he knew a little more family history about the relatives who are already deceased - I mean, you want to know who you might be buried next to!
Yes, this is our reality. We plan as much as we can to prepare for the unexpected. I'm sure God laughs at us, but we don't want to leave a mess behind when He calls us home. We have three kids and the youngest is special needs, or differently abled, or whatever politically correct word you think you need to use. The painfully obvious point of our reality is that we will always need to plan for our precious Kaydence to have care in place should something happen to us first. We know that where Tommy's immediate family is buried, there will only be two plots available to us. Now, mind you, that when Tommy and I were engaged, both of his grandparents died within 10 days of each other creating a seriously epic ending to a great love story, so we spent a little time out at the cemetery. My mother in law told me at one of the funerals that she and Wayne would be buried in this spot and that Tommy and I would be buried right behind them. I laugh at that even now. It might have been the craziest normal conversation ever. However, since then, we have had a child that we know will not marry, and she will need to have a place beside us. Kaydence and I are like two magnets that rarely part, so why should that change for eternity? We now have an idea of the plots we hope to secure for our family.
You see, this is the reality that a family like ours faces. I don't know how many people actually FACE it, but we try. It's not as bad as it was before Kaydence was born. It was horrible and awful to even think about. We had a plan then, of where to bury her, should she not make it to us breathing. And she almost didn't, but here we are so blessed with her spunky little self every day (though she wears me out!). We are kind of extra "lucky" in a way because we knew to expect something to be different about her. Parents don't consider that life can change so quickly and a life is forever altered. A serious accident can occur that takes that "normal" child from you and gives you back a child learning to do life all over again with lasting impairments. We all, as parents get so comfortable, we just take our days with our kids for granted. That includes me. I cringe at the thought of something happening to any of my kids - even my kids who were my classroom kids. It hurts. But to be faced with knowing you will always be caring for someone who cannot care for themselves? It makes your head spin sometimes.
We also have recently realized our will was made pre-Kaydence, so now we have to update that because she needs a caretaker. My heart smiled just today when Wade loved on his baby sister and said, "I'll always take care of you Kaydence." I know he will. I know that whoever he marries had better love Kaydence too, because he will make sure she is okay when we aren't there anymore. We talk about that. Often. "But Wendy, that is too much to put on your child at such a young age!" Baloney! We are open and honest in this household. Kids in this world have dealt with much larger struggles at earlier ages. Never jade yourself about the resiliency of a kid. Part of parenting is to prepare them to be responsible adults and part of that is being a part of your family.
These are the realities of the special needs family. I think that these families are probably some of the most real people you'll meet. Our lives aren't abnormal, but they are a different normal. I love the show Speechless, because it's just a different perspective and you can laugh. Or at least I can. Life is too short to take it too seriously. And we make our plans with these realities, but we don't necessarily dwell on that. You have to keep on moving forward or you start to sink.
Now I did not share this to be a Debbie Downer, but I do hope that it makes someone stop and consider. And I promise, contrary to my posts lately, that I do not always dwell on death. However, none of us are getting out of here alive, unless Jesus comes back, so be prepared and take care of the realities that your family might face should you get out of here a little sooner than you think.
Yes, this is our reality. We plan as much as we can to prepare for the unexpected. I'm sure God laughs at us, but we don't want to leave a mess behind when He calls us home. We have three kids and the youngest is special needs, or differently abled, or whatever politically correct word you think you need to use. The painfully obvious point of our reality is that we will always need to plan for our precious Kaydence to have care in place should something happen to us first. We know that where Tommy's immediate family is buried, there will only be two plots available to us. Now, mind you, that when Tommy and I were engaged, both of his grandparents died within 10 days of each other creating a seriously epic ending to a great love story, so we spent a little time out at the cemetery. My mother in law told me at one of the funerals that she and Wayne would be buried in this spot and that Tommy and I would be buried right behind them. I laugh at that even now. It might have been the craziest normal conversation ever. However, since then, we have had a child that we know will not marry, and she will need to have a place beside us. Kaydence and I are like two magnets that rarely part, so why should that change for eternity? We now have an idea of the plots we hope to secure for our family.
You see, this is the reality that a family like ours faces. I don't know how many people actually FACE it, but we try. It's not as bad as it was before Kaydence was born. It was horrible and awful to even think about. We had a plan then, of where to bury her, should she not make it to us breathing. And she almost didn't, but here we are so blessed with her spunky little self every day (though she wears me out!). We are kind of extra "lucky" in a way because we knew to expect something to be different about her. Parents don't consider that life can change so quickly and a life is forever altered. A serious accident can occur that takes that "normal" child from you and gives you back a child learning to do life all over again with lasting impairments. We all, as parents get so comfortable, we just take our days with our kids for granted. That includes me. I cringe at the thought of something happening to any of my kids - even my kids who were my classroom kids. It hurts. But to be faced with knowing you will always be caring for someone who cannot care for themselves? It makes your head spin sometimes.
We also have recently realized our will was made pre-Kaydence, so now we have to update that because she needs a caretaker. My heart smiled just today when Wade loved on his baby sister and said, "I'll always take care of you Kaydence." I know he will. I know that whoever he marries had better love Kaydence too, because he will make sure she is okay when we aren't there anymore. We talk about that. Often. "But Wendy, that is too much to put on your child at such a young age!" Baloney! We are open and honest in this household. Kids in this world have dealt with much larger struggles at earlier ages. Never jade yourself about the resiliency of a kid. Part of parenting is to prepare them to be responsible adults and part of that is being a part of your family.
These are the realities of the special needs family. I think that these families are probably some of the most real people you'll meet. Our lives aren't abnormal, but they are a different normal. I love the show Speechless, because it's just a different perspective and you can laugh. Or at least I can. Life is too short to take it too seriously. And we make our plans with these realities, but we don't necessarily dwell on that. You have to keep on moving forward or you start to sink.
Now I did not share this to be a Debbie Downer, but I do hope that it makes someone stop and consider. And I promise, contrary to my posts lately, that I do not always dwell on death. However, none of us are getting out of here alive, unless Jesus comes back, so be prepared and take care of the realities that your family might face should you get out of here a little sooner than you think.
inspiring post.
ReplyDeletethank you for sharing.
https://evierlindastayhealthybabe.blogspot.com/2018/05/cancers-on-three-mens-organs.html