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She is an official Kindergartener

So Kaydence Grace begins Kindergarten officially tomorrow. It's hard to wrap my brain around this in some ways, but then it feels like the norm because she has been at school in PPCD since a few days after she turned three.

For those who are unfamiliar with this, Early Childhood Intervention (ECI) services begin very early for kids like K. She actually was about a year old before we were introduced to the program. It seems like we are never helped to the help we need until it is later than it should be! ECI services include therapy of different kinds, and probably some other stuff, but we weren't able to receive anything but Occupational Therapy and that is a whole other story for later. ECI services terminate at age 3 and kids enter their local school districts for services. Kaydence has make big strides since and I am very thankful for our school district.

But tomorrow she starts Kindergarten as an actual 5 year old with the other kids her age. It is truly bittersweet. I know I've lamented here before, but David lamented about the same things all the way through Psalms, so hang with me here. It is bittersweet because I look at the other kids and all they can do, and I allow myself to get a little sad. Some days I get a lot more sad. I look at Abigail and see her with her friends, and I realize that Kaydence doesn't have friends like that. Sure kids are friendly to her, but she isn't huddled up sharing secrets and sneaking my makeup upstairs with them. She can't take ballet yet. Worse, Abigail loves playing with other little girls K's age, but not K. Really, this is the hardest for me. She always questions when will her sister be able to play with her? It isn't her fault necessarily. It's just hard to play with a kid who wants to snatch your hair out of your head and sinisterly laugh as you scream in the horror of it.

Conversly, I am so thankful Kaydence reached age five. I am thankful she has a classroom that meets her needs and that neither she, nor other kids with different needs, have to be compromised in how they learn because one teacher cannot mesh all that together. I am thankful we have a school system that allows a kid like K to attend. I am thankful support staff is provided. I am thankful that her school is open to us. I am also thankful she is breathing. That she is healthy most of the time. That she really is a super smart kid even though communicating is hard.

I remind myself that regardless of how sad I feel sometimes, somewhere else is a mom who wonders if her kid who went missing is still alive. Somewhere else is a mom whose baby died and she is watching her friends' kids who would be the same age as her child, getting ready to head to kindergarten. Somewhere else is a woman who just wishes she could have one more moment with her child who died suddenly, or who died over a lengthy illness. Somewhere else is a woman who just wants to have just one baby, and she cannot conceive. Somewhere else.

To top off my mixed emotions, my first baby is beginning his last year on the elementary campus. Another tear drops. But goodness I am so glad he is growing up. He said at around age five, "Everyday I wake up is a special day." It really is. Today I had to take him to an orthodontist appointment. I got a little wistful looking at him in the car. He is already beginning to transition into being between a boy and a man. It scares me though I realize this is a long process. I certainly appreciate the time spent alone with him even though it takes doctors appointments to happen. Guess that broken arm and crooked teeth are a blessing!

Somedays I look around this crazy world and wonder how my kids will make it here. Crazy people are everywhere. The more educated we get, the more ignorant we are. People get more offended. In my humble opinion, if people would work on their own lives we would all get along a lot better. People need to work more and they wouldn't have time for craziness. An idle mind really is the devil's playground. Thus, I try very hard to instill in my children to just be hard workers and be a positive point in a negative place. That is best part of Kaydence Grace. She is usually a point of light. Unless you are at our house in the afternoon...then she is screaming her head off, but she is otherwise a source of joy I had never imagined before.

I keep seeing the link to the article about Iceland "eradicating" people with Down Syndrome. Talk about shallow thinking and small minds! I am just floored that anyone thinks this is awesome. Nope, the special needs life is not like others. It is hard, but there are so many rewards and blessings that come with it as well. Somewhere else, there is a woman who is probably torn up because she wanted a baby and feels she was dealt a raw hand, and chose to abort based on opinions of the experts. She might spend an eternity of what-ifs. She might not. I chose the route of if there is a heartbeat, there is hope. And here we have a Kindergartener, who wasn't even expected to take her first breath.


  1. That was written very eloquently. Your right, K is a point of light, and sure she has her moments, but hey we all do! God wanted Kaydence here for a reason, and I for one, am so truly grateful that He did!


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