So my last post focused on Wade, though the whole point of this blog began with one certain little girl name Kaydence. She's tiny, but her personality is large. She laughs at me most of the time, and I'm not talking about when I'm trying to entertain her. Whooo! She can light a fire in me faster than my other kids. It is with her that I have to do the whole "if you find yourself becoming too angry with your child, go to another room and calm down" thing. "But oh my goodness Wendy, she is too sweet to ignite the dynamite that is your anger." Let me tell you now, no child can be so sweet one minute and so completely opposite the next. When she is ready to snuggle, man I am allllll about it. When she is not, I really have to work to control my brain.
Kaydence Grace apparently reads the Bible because she has well-adopted the be hot or cold and never lukewarm stance. She will laugh at you in happiness and then her alter ego comes on out in the blink of and eye. Sometimes, it's like I got a two-for-one deal in personalities with her. So, you may be wondering, what is going on with her now? I get asked over and over if the trip to Baltimore worked.
Yes. Yes it worked. Not as much as I had hoped, but it worked as far as her eating more and growing and gaining weight. She has grown so much that her PMR doctor said her chair that we just got in March is now too small for her. {Facepalm} I am super joyful, but here we go again. I also just really love her little chair. It is so easy to fold up and put in the car. The new car. The new minivan. Yes. Due to Kaydence growing it was time to give up my beloved Expedition and sell my soul to the minivan devil in order to preserve my more beloved back. While there are many people who load and unload feedsacks each day, those feedsacks don't wiggle and fight you getting in and out of a carseat. She has just gotten too heavy to hoist up and over into her carseat. Thus, the minivan. At first, the big kids were so against it and I put on a smile (even though I really, really love my Expedition) to try and convince them the minivan is good. When Ms. Jennifer Weaver (insert commercial for Tegler Toyota in Brenham) drove the minivan to our house for an "extended test drive," Wade would not even look out of the window and acknowledge its presence. Abigail, on the other hand, fell in love with it. Now, I'm not going to say I fell in love with it, but I like it a lot. Wade nicknamed it Big Bertha while Abigail referred to it as the Mini Yota. I'm gonna call her Pearl due to her color. We loaded up in ol Pearl to take our annual trip to Lost Pines, and the minute Wade popped a movie in the DVD player, he said, "This van is legit." I'm glad he thinks so, because he may be driving it to college one day.
So after Baltimore, Kaydence learned a new and very bad habit. She is sticking her ENTIRE hand in her mouth until she gags and vomits. No one can figure out why she does this, but it is the most frustrating thing I have ever experienced as a parent (so far anyway). To prepare her a meal takes effort to cook, then chop up and water down the food to make it easier for her to swallow because she still doesn't want to chew her food. She still wants to use the primitive tongue thrust reflex to push her food up to the top of her mouth and swallow. This is taking whole lot of Occupational and Speech Therapy to overcome. Please do not try and tell me she will eat when she is hungry, because she isn't that kid. Please do not tell me she will grow into chewing, because she may not. Please don't tell me that this vomiting thing isn't that bad, because it is SO bad. Not only is the meal prep work, but I'm still feeding her because it's currently the only way to ensure she will get the proper amount of nutrients and calories into her body.
When you are food prepping and feeding a kid 3-5 times a day, to see that child willingly vomit and laugh about it is quite possibly the most depressing, angering, and frustrating thing you can imagine. Then, someone named ME is cleaning it up, and doing the laundry and cleaning her up. Super K still likes to lay on her back and so when she vomits, it runs in her hair, all across her face and neck and then her chest into a puddle behind her head. After this happens, she will move around, thus spreading the puddle to many more places. Sometimes she even rubs it across her beautiful bed. I have swatted her little behind quite a few times over this and she will see me coming and cover her little bottom with her hands all the while laughing...at me and her antics. Most of the time I am just having hard time controlling my temper, but I also have fears like her sucking vomit into her lungs, or tearing up her esophagus. Tonight, long after dinner and her bath, I had put her in bed to sleep and of course she was fighting it. Then I heard the cough. It is the cough of vomit. Tonight it even ran into her eyes. On the upside, she was laying in her floor and not on her bed. I felt a slight victory in this because I didn't have to strip bedding and wash it too. So back into the bath she goes and I have to work really hard to get all of that out of her very thick and pretty hair. This also makes me think about cutting her hair short, but then I couldn't pull it out of her face. {sigh} It's kind of a no-win situation.
Another line I don't care to hear anymore is remember how bad I wanted to be a mommy. Trust me when I say, no young woman ever sits and wishes for special needs kids. If she does, I am expecting a really large mansion in Heaven for that woman and for her crown to be so large she can't even hold up her head. I certainly did want to be a mommy, and I wouldn't trade my kids, but I'd trade the vomit for non-vomit. I'd trade being able to go anywhere versus really being selective on places I go because my kid is on sensory overload. "But Wendy, you wanted to be a stay-at-home mommy so bad." Yes, I did and I am so thankful I can now, but there are some days that I miss work because I wasn't at home cleaning up vomit when I worked. I also miss the social aspect of working. When you are home 24/7 with a non-verbal kid who needs you to take care of her like she is a baby, it is utterly exhausting. Physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting. I'm glad I wasn't the kid who was used to winning all the time, because I'd be checked in some kind of facility for mental help if I hadn't been built up with loads of loss growing up. I'm used to being dealt a hand that I wasn't hoping for and moving on with it. It made me who I am. It made me Kaydence Grace's mommy, who tries really hard to plaster a smile on her face even when she has been up to her elbows in vomit and Clorox wipes. I have friends I vent to (people I worked with, lol) or else I'd explode, but for the rest of you guys, I smile.
So there is the plain, raw truth of what is happening these days. And really, I am thankful for everything but the vomit. Dear Lord, thank you for the school year starting when it did, because I sure appreciate teachers who help me share the load. Amen.
Kaydence Grace apparently reads the Bible because she has well-adopted the be hot or cold and never lukewarm stance. She will laugh at you in happiness and then her alter ego comes on out in the blink of and eye. Sometimes, it's like I got a two-for-one deal in personalities with her. So, you may be wondering, what is going on with her now? I get asked over and over if the trip to Baltimore worked.
Yes. Yes it worked. Not as much as I had hoped, but it worked as far as her eating more and growing and gaining weight. She has grown so much that her PMR doctor said her chair that we just got in March is now too small for her. {Facepalm} I am super joyful, but here we go again. I also just really love her little chair. It is so easy to fold up and put in the car. The new car. The new minivan. Yes. Due to Kaydence growing it was time to give up my beloved Expedition and sell my soul to the minivan devil in order to preserve my more beloved back. While there are many people who load and unload feedsacks each day, those feedsacks don't wiggle and fight you getting in and out of a carseat. She has just gotten too heavy to hoist up and over into her carseat. Thus, the minivan. At first, the big kids were so against it and I put on a smile (even though I really, really love my Expedition) to try and convince them the minivan is good. When Ms. Jennifer Weaver (insert commercial for Tegler Toyota in Brenham) drove the minivan to our house for an "extended test drive," Wade would not even look out of the window and acknowledge its presence. Abigail, on the other hand, fell in love with it. Now, I'm not going to say I fell in love with it, but I like it a lot. Wade nicknamed it Big Bertha while Abigail referred to it as the Mini Yota. I'm gonna call her Pearl due to her color. We loaded up in ol Pearl to take our annual trip to Lost Pines, and the minute Wade popped a movie in the DVD player, he said, "This van is legit." I'm glad he thinks so, because he may be driving it to college one day.
So after Baltimore, Kaydence learned a new and very bad habit. She is sticking her ENTIRE hand in her mouth until she gags and vomits. No one can figure out why she does this, but it is the most frustrating thing I have ever experienced as a parent (so far anyway). To prepare her a meal takes effort to cook, then chop up and water down the food to make it easier for her to swallow because she still doesn't want to chew her food. She still wants to use the primitive tongue thrust reflex to push her food up to the top of her mouth and swallow. This is taking whole lot of Occupational and Speech Therapy to overcome. Please do not try and tell me she will eat when she is hungry, because she isn't that kid. Please do not tell me she will grow into chewing, because she may not. Please don't tell me that this vomiting thing isn't that bad, because it is SO bad. Not only is the meal prep work, but I'm still feeding her because it's currently the only way to ensure she will get the proper amount of nutrients and calories into her body.
When you are food prepping and feeding a kid 3-5 times a day, to see that child willingly vomit and laugh about it is quite possibly the most depressing, angering, and frustrating thing you can imagine. Then, someone named ME is cleaning it up, and doing the laundry and cleaning her up. Super K still likes to lay on her back and so when she vomits, it runs in her hair, all across her face and neck and then her chest into a puddle behind her head. After this happens, she will move around, thus spreading the puddle to many more places. Sometimes she even rubs it across her beautiful bed. I have swatted her little behind quite a few times over this and she will see me coming and cover her little bottom with her hands all the while laughing...at me and her antics. Most of the time I am just having hard time controlling my temper, but I also have fears like her sucking vomit into her lungs, or tearing up her esophagus. Tonight, long after dinner and her bath, I had put her in bed to sleep and of course she was fighting it. Then I heard the cough. It is the cough of vomit. Tonight it even ran into her eyes. On the upside, she was laying in her floor and not on her bed. I felt a slight victory in this because I didn't have to strip bedding and wash it too. So back into the bath she goes and I have to work really hard to get all of that out of her very thick and pretty hair. This also makes me think about cutting her hair short, but then I couldn't pull it out of her face. {sigh} It's kind of a no-win situation.
Another line I don't care to hear anymore is remember how bad I wanted to be a mommy. Trust me when I say, no young woman ever sits and wishes for special needs kids. If she does, I am expecting a really large mansion in Heaven for that woman and for her crown to be so large she can't even hold up her head. I certainly did want to be a mommy, and I wouldn't trade my kids, but I'd trade the vomit for non-vomit. I'd trade being able to go anywhere versus really being selective on places I go because my kid is on sensory overload. "But Wendy, you wanted to be a stay-at-home mommy so bad." Yes, I did and I am so thankful I can now, but there are some days that I miss work because I wasn't at home cleaning up vomit when I worked. I also miss the social aspect of working. When you are home 24/7 with a non-verbal kid who needs you to take care of her like she is a baby, it is utterly exhausting. Physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting. I'm glad I wasn't the kid who was used to winning all the time, because I'd be checked in some kind of facility for mental help if I hadn't been built up with loads of loss growing up. I'm used to being dealt a hand that I wasn't hoping for and moving on with it. It made me who I am. It made me Kaydence Grace's mommy, who tries really hard to plaster a smile on her face even when she has been up to her elbows in vomit and Clorox wipes. I have friends I vent to (people I worked with, lol) or else I'd explode, but for the rest of you guys, I smile.
So there is the plain, raw truth of what is happening these days. And really, I am thankful for everything but the vomit. Dear Lord, thank you for the school year starting when it did, because I sure appreciate teachers who help me share the load. Amen.
Comments
Post a Comment