Still in Awe of God

First of all, I am trying to type on this phone again, so if you notice errors that is why! Getting to a computer is a challenge these days. So yesterday I was sitting here at the house, fighting illness, and kind of moping around. I was criticizing for the millionth time our choice in a homebuilder and sulking just a tiny bit because every year Women of Faith rolls around and every year I don't know about it until it's too late. And every year a friend will say, "You will have to come with us next year! I didn't think to ask you." Now I am not saying this for an invite next year, because I don't make time to do things with friends. It's my own fault. I haven't had many friends that I go do things with in a while now. It's hard to do that when you slave for a job and have kids.
So, I've never been to a Women of Faith conference and yesterday I decided to look it up online. I thought,"What can any of the speakers there do for my journey after the yer I have experienced?" I began reading biographies of the speakers and Angie Smith jumped out and surprised me out of the line up. She had a similar experience to me with her fourth child, but her baby did not live. I had to go to her blog (and I hope to read her book) and I read it and cried. I discovered her husband is part of Selah, whose music I listened to most of the time when my Kaydence journey started. I also found that there was a song written about her daughter, Audrey. I found it on iTunes, and I cried. I even bought it. I've cried several times today after listening to it. I also bought more Selah music, which made Kaydence smile when she heard it. Oh - and she had her 6 month hearing screening this week and passed!
And last night, Kaydence woke up all night - so did I. By this morning I even fell slap asleep rocking her. Amazingly she stayed all curled up on my shoulder as my head bobbed over to the side. I was so asleep I was dreaming. Thanks be to God for an angel holding Kaydence on my shoulder because there is no physical way I should have kept her in my arms! I was miserable and Tommy said if I would help get Kaydence ready, they would all be out of my hair for a couple of hours - meaning he didn't expect me to go to church and I could sleep. I got Kaydence all dolled up and started to lay back down. Then God told me to go to church. I began reflecting on Angie's story and told myself that my story could've been exactly like hers, but God allowed my baby to live. Angie only had her Audrey for about 2 hours and here is my miracle still with me almost 7 months later. I decided that I needed to go thank Him for my daughter and quit whining about being tired. So I did. And I am thankful that I went on to church today.
I am in awe of God because He just continues to guide me - I just have to listen. He knew that I would get just as much out of seeing the Women of Faith website as I would've at the actual event. Plus, He continues to deliver the "Be Still" message to me and I needed rest yesterday because I feel illness in my body and I cannot get sick and take care of my babies. I am definitely a work in progress as I have to learn to get past sulking, forgive my house builder (and I really have worked on that), and accept things for what I can and cannot change - I have to listen to and rely on God. Most of us have to do that! It's just part of living as a woman of faith, conference or not. And I will go someday, when God is ready for me to go! Until then I will continue to just appreciate the sleepless nights and days filled with catering to my kids and I will remember what a real blessing it is that they are all with me. Thanks God, for sending Angie's story. Amen.