Challenges, Acceptance, Winning, Defeat

Scissors!

Life with Kaydence always presents us some challenges. Last spring, I started a little business, which I really wanted to emphasize embroidered items for kids, and ladies retail apparel, but has morphed into custom heat transfer shirts mostly. It's okay however my business venture turns out, because the ultimate goal for me is to make a little income and still be flexible enough to accommodate Kaydence's appointments. I have really been blessed and kind of busy. Now, the retail part is not working as I had hoped, but I think in our area, a storefront is just better. I've always wanted to own a gift shop that had wedding registry items and baby things, but that just hasn't been feasible...maybe someday it could still happen. But this custom apparel? It works. So well in fact, that I started working in my little crafty area and then it scattered into my dining room. Tommy being the neat guy that he is, well, it wore on him a little. He was very patient all summer. One day he decided that he would help us both out, by cleaning out the office area at his parents' house and setting up shop for me there. Last week, I finally got all moved in and got to work. Our dining room is once again my dining room, and my sweat shop is at my father-in-law's house.

Why is this a challenge with Kaydence? So, I have had enough work to keep me busy enough that I cannot finish before I have to pick up the kids from school. Therefore, I take them back to Pop's house until I am done. Now, remember that Kaydence has a huge obsession with the toilet. I thought we would be safe because Pop's doorknobs are round, and ours are levers, so ours are obviously very easy to open, but his would be tough. Nope. Turns out, Kaydence can open a round doorknob too! She can also lift toilet lids. Two things I did not giver her credit for knowing. That after school work is taking a while to finish because I have to stop and bathe her, and then clean up her mess. Most days I really want to vomit during all of it, but I have yet to do that. I am so BEYOND thrilled that she can do these things, yet I have really begun to lose patience with her on these escapades. Once I fussed at her and she just sat in the floor and put her head down because she knew I was fussing. That is also a plus as she never reacts to my fussing. I feel like maybe we've reached thinking along the lines of a three-year old. Today though, I straight up looked up and told God I really need her to walk and talk and eat. I've prayed this prayer so often, but today I was more blunt. I was frustrated with Kaydence and Abigail, because that was her one job - to keep an eye on K - and here I was with a kid who wouldn't eat and was yet again covered in toilet water. I felt like I really needed a little cooling off time, but Abigail doesn't believe in alone time and the boys are at the State Fair. I dealt with it even though every time this all happens, I feel slightly defeated.

So often I feel like I can't handle moments with people and I need the alone time, but here I am with about 6 hours of alone time each day now. It's almost as if having more, creates more need for it. To be fair, I spent a lot of hours doing my own thing as a little kid because I was the only girl and the youngest by six years. I didn't go to preschool (still graduated in the top ten percent, thank you) and I socialized with mostly adult family until I started school. It's really a wonder I am not a total recluse.

Regardless of all of this stuff, I have great things besides just a door knob opening to talk about. Kaydence has really worked to adjust to school. She has (with assistance) cut paper, actually played with play dough, glued tissue pieces down, tried to manipulate her teachers and therapists (she deserves an Oscar I tell you), and socialized. We are still having issues with random hair pulling, but it may just be easier to buy all the kindergartners and teachers beanies to wear when K is there! School is work, but everyone is so good to her.

Apparently she also entertains the masses and makes friends easily. It's that sweet innocent look that fools the other kids until their hair dangles in her face. At our Homecoming game, I realized how much other kids love her. Every little kid who passed us waved and spoke to Kaydence as their parents just kind of looked at us oddly. Most probably don't realize that K is the same age because I'm pushing her in a stroller and she looks younger. However, it does a mom's heart good when other kids treat her the same. I also heard that one little girl even told her mom how proud she was of Kaydence for cutting and gluing the pieces of her apple herself. I think being around special kids like K is good for the other kids too. They learn to accept kids that are a little different and to have compassion. How awesome a lesson is that in Kindergarten?! I am thankful for a little school that allows this to develop - even though I am secretly terrified of her exposure to germs.

Her apple she worked on! With assistance of course.

We have also learned this week that our insurance has approved 40 days of therapy for the clinic at Kennedy Krieger. That is 8 weeks of treatment to get her eating. For me, this number is significant. Forty is Biblical. Lots of trials were overcome in the Bible for 40 days and I feel like Kaydence will overcome her issues. We now are just waiting for the official start date!

It almost takes my breath away to leave home right now for so many days, because there is so much to get in order. Like, warm clothes that fit. Like, making sure all medications and contacts are together and refilled. Like, spending a little extra time with the big kids. Like, getting a little bit ready for the Holidays because I won't be here most likely. Fortunately, my mother will be traveling with us and that is by far a huge relief. I'll have someone to at least talk to because I'm not sure how much time some of you have spent with a non-verbal, but seriously mischievous kid, but it's really hard to keep sanity in check some days.

Though things feel hectic, they really aren't. My brain always feels hectic, but most people see me as calm. I feel very defeated many, many days, but God overcomes this daily. I keep learning to accept the things I cannot change, and He gives me courage to change what I can. Yep, the Serenity Prayer has some good stuff in those few short lines. Keep praying for this treatment to work and we appreciate those prayers!

Though she appears to be plotting, she is really just loving her favorite person.

She doesn't do this for long, but look at her!