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One Day at a Time

Today I had an appointment with my good and faithful OB. I was scheduled for my weekly Biophysical Profile and Non Stress Test. I can honestly say that I am going to the BEST office group ever for my prenatal care, but we will cover more on that later.

I was really super frustrated when I got there because of some issues with some scales at my office. And then God spoke very loudly to me that scales are not that important. Funny how He does that. Just when you start to get all out of sorts with petty things, He refocuses you. Cheryl, the most wonderful sonogram technician in the world, looked at Kaydence and I noticed that she went back to her head a couple of times. Hmmm. On Monday, Dr. Y didn't really say much except that her head was still measuring a little smaller than average. Cheryl told me that she noticed a little extra fluid on the brain. Deep breath. Ok, I remember Dr. M saying he noticed a little fluid 3 weeks ago. Cheryl consulted with Dr. Blackwell and he called Dallas. Apparently on Monday her brain ventricles were somewhat dilated, but still within "normal" ranges. Today they weren't.

I almost felt a calm heart break if that's possible. I looked up as Cheryl stood on one side and Dr. Blackwell stood on the other and he explained that there really isn't anything we can do (the story of Kaydence) and that this sometimes happens with CMV babies and we will have to wait and see. He also said it's in God's hands and that is where we have to leave it.

On to the Non Stress Test. It was better than last week's test, but there was a strange heart rate drop when I had a contraction, so now on Saturday, I have to go to the hospital for another NST just to be cautious. I think the part that made me feel so great today, was that as Dr. Blackwell was in the NST room with me telling me this, he also said how sorry he was I was going through this. I have been through a lot and I am on his prayer list. Wow. How many doctors actually say that? I've never had another doctor tell me that.

Many years ago as I was trying to find a doctor, I was told that Dr. Bates, Dr. Blackwell's partner, was the best of the best. So I tried to get an appointment with him. He wasn't taking new patients then, so the receptionist asked if I wanted to make an appointment with Dr. Blackwell. There wasn't much choice, so I did. I am so thankful God set that up because I feel so well cared for from Dr. Blackwell. God is always in control - even in sending us to the right doctor!

So Kaydence needs your prayers, and I do too to be honest. Kaydence needs prayers still for her little heart to mend, but now also prayers that her brain will function correctly and be completely and correctly developed. I need prayers for guidance and peace. I must admit that I prayed very hard in the doctor's office today, but on the way home, I had a little meltdown. You see, I'm not strong like some think I am. I feel stressed, strained, and very recently I have felt ready to crumble in a moment's notice. I have to work to feel upbeat and positive about things because life is hard and then you throw in medical issues for your child who isn't even born yet and things get much harder. I have prayed a lot, and I have read my Bible a whole lot more - pretty typical for a Christian in a crisis, but the difference lately is that I try hard to stop and listen to what God is saying back. I have worked to focus on this healing of my baby, so it isn't too surprising that God jerked me back a little today about something insignificant in the scheme of things.

On the way home, I turned on my Selah music, which I think is now my most favorite music, cried, and talked to God about everything. I feel very strongly that Kaydence will be healed, but today just threw me. It was like regression. It literally made my soul hurt to get regressive news. I told God to just send away whatever evil is constantly working at hurting my daughter. I reject this bad news and I lean totally on God to heal her. I do not accept something hurting my baby and whatever it is can go away! Then I worked on the key word in our church this year: rejoicing. I rejoiced and praised God for the healing He has been so wonderful to give Kaydence Grace.

The best part of today was that I got to see my babies at home. I've been gone since Monday and I will admit I needed the break, but I am glad to be home with them. Wade was excited to snuggle with me and feel the baby move. Abigail,well she was super glad to see me and show off her newest rendition of Mary Had a Little Sheep. All is better with the Neyland household tonight. Tomorrow is another day and I'll just continue this journey one day at a time.

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