Daily Living with Grace

Kaydence showed us some school spirit in her sonogram this week. Turns out she supports Texas Tech like her big brother Asa.

Yes, as noted by the title, Kaydence has a big heart...already. Not too big, but it measures a little bigger than what Dr. E thinks it should be. I just think it is a sign of the kind of person she will be! Yesterday we traveled to Dallas to see our wonderful doctors, and the sonogram for her measurements went great! Kaydence still has no calcifications on her brain and no more than the few original specks are on her liver. Dr. M was very optimistic and basically said he doesn't see any more signs of viral damage. Thanks be to God! Her brain and body all are measuring where they should be so I am very confident that we will not see any brain damage in Kaydence. But Dr. M did get concerned looking at her heart, so he referred us to Dr. E, one of the sweetest and most genuine doctors I have ever met. I bet she looked at images of Kaydence's heart for 45 minutes at least. She told us the day of the amniocentesis that there was a hole between the ventricles, but it was midsized ...

Last week Kaydence had another good checkup at her Biophysical Profile, which she will get every week until she arrives. The sonographer told us about everything she was looking for and said it all looked good. A top score would be 8 and she was an 8. Praise God! I know that this is in His hands. I know that Kaydence is developing and growing and she will be just fine. Kaydence will make her debut somewhere around 10 weeks from now. TEN WEEKS! Oh my goodness that doesn't seem very long from now. This past weekend, Tommy and I finally got out Wade's crib and changing table and then we rearranged her room. We set up a full-sized bed as well and poor Tommy moved our bigger bed down to his parent's house so we could use their smaller mattress set. It felt so good to get all of that done! I felt so sure that everything will turn out great. The room feels like a bedroom now, but I have to admit that after I Old Englished every piece of furniture in that room, I could barely mov...

There hasn't been a lot of news lately in our household, which I consider a great thing. I have weekly doctors visits to monitor Kaydence and her well being and nothing new has come about (except to keep having hope). So I have turned my attention to other things, like taking the time to discover more about God. Funny, it has taken me 34 years to reach a point I should've reached a long time ago. Thankfully, God accepts us as we are just as we accept our children the way they are. My mind always floats to the birth of Jesus. I have always pondered Mary's reaction and wondered about Jesus as a child on this earth - being that there isn't a whole lot about that era of his life in the Bible. Mary's reaction to giving birth to Jesus is well documented in the book of Luke, while Matthew writes more on Joseph. Two songs from Christmas ring in my head: Mary Did You Know and Breath of Heaven. I think they exemplify what most of us wonder about when it comes to Mary. Ca...

So Kaydence Grace's Baptism gown arrived today. I'm getting excited. I watched out of my office window a while just waiting on the Fed Ex guy to show up. Finally he did and when I opened that box, I have to admit I teared up. I can't wait to dress my baby in this dress and stand with her in the front of that church and make that covenant with God that we will raise her as His child.

So each day is a completely new day. Each day I am faced with a new struggle, a new fear, or even a new hope! All of us experience this same phenomenon, but some of us may have a more intense struggle or fear. All of us should have a new and intensifying hope as well because we actually woke up this morning! Last year, about a week after Wade's 5th birthday, he accused me of ruining his "special day." I explained that this day wasn't like his birthday last week and the birthday was over, and he looked up at me with such a hurt in his eyes and said, "But Momma, every day when I wake up is a special day." Oh WOW! Wade figured it out at 5 years old, and here I was just learning this. Sad, isn't it? Today I was expecting to go to my weekly sonogram, but instead I received a call that my appointment had been canceled because the machine is broken. You know what? I'm okay with it. That is something out of my control so why get worked up? In life, we hav...

Since we have found happier ground right now , I thought I'd take a moment to share with you what has been my lowest point in this journey thus far - and I hope it is the lowest point period! I know, you're probably wondering why I am regressing to this story, but there may be someone out there who has felt this way and didn't know how to make sense of it, or feels guilty for feeling that way. So the day that I got that call that my amniotic fluid had tested positive for CMV, I texted my pastor and she came right out that afternoon. Tommy, the kids, and I were outside swinging and playing in the sunshine for a little bit when she arrived. She and I went in the house for a little while to pray and counsel. Now, keep in mind, I had already did a lot of thinking before she got there. We again talked about the possibility that God might just choose to take this tiny soul to be with Him. I might not ever know her outside of the womb on earth, but I would know her in Heaven. Pa...

Can you see her smiling?

So the past 2 weeks, I have had 2 appointments with Dr. Magee. I cannot emphasize what a different visit it is when you know your doctor is a Christian. Prior to Christmas, I had an appointment with Dr. Blackwell, my regular ob/gyn. He checks on both the baby and my well-being. When he checked her heartbeat, Tommy recorded it. Dr. Blackwell remarked, "That is a strong heartbeat. You'd never know there is anything wrong with that heart!" He also told us that the situation is in God's hands and we can't worry about it because all worrying does is take that day away and we get so few days. Isn't that awesome to hear from your doctor? So back to our visit with Dr. Magee. He is the one who told us we needed hope, remember? Every time we go to that office we are on pins and needles as to which doctor we are going to see, but we have seen him the past few visits! It is pretty difficult to go in that office as it is, because you don't see a lot of happy faces le...

Life began to feel a little more normal again. I had to get it together for work as we have our traditional events at the end of the year. The biggest event, with a small audience, is to provide what is called an interpretation event for our county commissioners court. My 4-Hers cook custom omelets for the commissioners and county judge and then we all visit about what services Extension has provided for the year. My commissioners and judge are the best to work for. Most of them told me they were praying for us and that means a lot. Not many county agents get hugs from their county court! New Year's Eve rolled around and at midnight I was holding a sleeping Abigail in my arms while Wade and Tommy were outside with the rest of the party popping fireworks. It was just me and my girls inside. Abigail likes to snuggle and I cherish every bit of it, especially getting to hold her and knowing that there are 3 of us snuggling. We got up and went to church the next morning, which was ...

So there we were on our way to Dallas to the Fetal Care Center the day before Christmas Eve. Boy this was going to be a fun visit with Gloom and Doom. A different nurse took us back and took my blood pressure. She was sad because she and her husband were new empty nesters this year and wouldn't get to see their kids at Christmas because she didn't get enough days off. After she left, Tommy said he hated the rooms there. They are so depressing. Then walked in, not the doctor we had been seeing, but Dr. Magee, who is the one who actually performed the amniocentesis. Hmmmm. What would he have to say? He looked at the sonogram and looked some more. Then he proceeded to tell us all of the good things we have to be thankful for. First of all my amniotic fluid levels were looking good. A baby practices swallowing and breathing in the womb. If levels of fluid get too high, it might indicate she didn't know how to swallow. So far, it looked like she did. So every time I get a son...

So the last thing the nurse told me when she called to tell me about the preliminary test results was not to google CMV. Too late. I already did the week before when I was looking at everything the doctor had told me. I wish I hadn't. CMV, or cytomegalovirus, is one of a handful of viruses that most people have and never know it, and can cross the placenta to affect the baby. I had a feeling that I knew that this was going to be the cause of what was happening to Kaydence. I knew that I had not felt well during this pregnancy. I had been so weak for a while that I couldn't even stand up more than a couple of minutes. I just thought it was because I was a little older than last time and maybe I was doing too much at work. Plus we had finished building a house and moved at the end of August. But, no, it was CMV. Fifty to eighty percent of adults have had CMV by the time they are 40. That being said, most of us will test positive for CMV. Doctor Magee even said at a later vis...

I had no idea how physically and mentally exhausted I really was until I was home and able to rest. The funny thing about my job is that you just never ever seem to get a break even though we are preached to about balancing family and work. I had been extremely nauseous, tired, and weak. I remember even looking up one day and asking God for a break, for rest. Well, He answered my prayer! The best thing about this time? I had so many calls and visitors. I loved hearing from my college buddies and Julie even came and spent an entire afternoon with me. My kids came in and snuggled with me and were so precious. I don't think Wade has been that nice to me in a long time. We are sometimes a little too much alike and clash, but he is my sweet boy through and through. My pastor came to see me the day after the amniocentesis. She spent a long time with me just talking to me, counseling me and held my hand. I don't know about you, but I never thought at 34 years old I would be laying ...

Tommy and I got the kids dropped off everywhere they needed to go that Wednesday morning. I had made arrangements to move a Christmas party that was supposed to be at my house on Thursday and double checked all of that - even if I hadn't been going in for an amniocentesis I would have moved it because I just wasn't in a holiday celebration kind of mood. We took off for Dallas and I got there a little later than I think the doctor wanted me there, but when you are trying to get Abigail Neyland somewhere, it's best to just give up on your own time schedule. She works hard to run the show around our house. Today, we were to meet with a cardiologist before the amniocentesis. However, that wasn't planned. It was a surprise. Please hear the sarcasm as I say, "Woo Hoo." This doctor was so super sweet as she explained what she was looking for. She looked for a long time and we saw all kinds of cool images of our baby's heart. Then the doctor began to show us and ...

I know that last post was pretty emotional stuff, and here I am trying to get in one more post today, but I'm playing a little catch up here since I just started the blog and and this all started a month ago - tomorrow. Tommy and I didn't say anything for a while, and if we did it was related to how to get out of Dallas. My mind was just racing. I just couldn't BELIEVE that she insinuated that terminating the pregnancy would be an option. And my baby might die! Just over a week before my biggest issue was that I couldn't go to Canton to pick out bedding because of a convention and we wouldn't know the sex of the baby before that. Tommy and I had also been fussing about getting a minivan  (him for, me against) because with 3 kids in seats we couldn't fit them all in my car. Now I was dealing with my baby not even being born alive. This just wasn't going to do! I was really thankful to be pregnant before the age of 35 because that is when you start being ...

As you can imagine, the time spent between that first sonogram and our first visit to Dallas doctors was spent in a lot of prayer. Pastor Joy suggested that I contact friends that I knew would REALLY pray to pray about the mass on Kaydence Grace's bowels. Well, I went to Facebook and started going through my list. Turns out that I have a lot of friends who are in the ministry. So I sent out a request and got more response than I ever thought possible. I felt very calm at this point. Tuesday, December 13, 2011, will be a day that forever has changed my life. Tommy and I arrived at the Fetal Care Center in Dallas. It is in the Tom Landry building by Baylor Hospital, which we thought was neat because Tom Landry's full name is Thomas Wade Landry and our son's name is Thomas Wade - but we didn't know that when we named him. Neither of us are sporty people! So we took this as a good sign. I walked into the office and filled out I know at least 10 pages of paperwork. The wa...

So before I go with the story of naming my baby, I have to say I am not leaving my job in Extension anytime soon! Sorry I worried some of you with the previous post. It's nice to know I am appreciated in my current job. Earlier I blogged that my church pastor looked me square in the eye and told me that we needed to name our baby because it was important to have a name to pray for. I wanted to take time to name my last child because she is the last child I am having - or at least that's my plan - but God can make changes. With Wade I just had to concede to Tommy's insistence that his name be Thomas Wade. With Abigail, well we had a lot of discussion, but I let Wade make the final choice so that he felt included in everything. He was only 4, but he was only about naming his baby sister Abigail Elizabeth for her school name. He had actually nicknamed her Baby Poof very early in the pregnancy. So I felt like this time, the decision was all mine. It wasn't. A name that...

So when Dallas called, they penciled us in very quickly ...and the receptionist was shocked when she said the first opening was December 13, would that work for us and I answered we will just make it work. She said that was refreshing to hear it. I just kept thinking, "Who wouldn't make time for an appointment like this?" Prior to that day, I had already visited with my Pastor about everything so far. We were just concerned with the baby having this mysterious mass and being small. I honestly wasn't so concerned with her being a little small. Wade, my son, was about 2 weeks behind at that same point in the pregnancy and he caught up just fine. He is now as big and solid as a Kindergartner can get! So Pastor Joy and I talked and prayed A LOT. I was teary, and it was hard to pray with someone. I have never felt so vulnerable even though I was in the safety of talking to God. Pastor Joy had already written for me a prayer based on Scripture, specifically Luke 18:35-43....

All of the tests on the baby seemed fine. My triple screening in the first trimester indicated that I was at no risk for a baby with chromosomal abnormalities or neural tube defects. Whew! That is always a load off your mind - but it is only 91% accurate. Growth in sonograms and heart rate were normal. So when we went for THE sonogram on December 6, 2011, we were expecting the technician to say, "It's a Girl/Boy! And she/he looks great." But instead, it was, "It's a girl! (Pause, look, pause.) And I see this mass on her bowels right here and she is a little small. I'll tell Dr. Blackwell and he will probably refer you to Dallas. Most of the time, this turns out to be nothing, but it needs to be looked at further." WHAT?! A mass? On my baby girl? But I prayed for a healthy baby with no trips to Texas Children's, right? Surely God would answer that prayer. I had already had a child with an issue - which really isn't' huge, but still - now w...

My husband, Tommy, and I have always talked about having 3 children , but after our daughter Abigail was born with an unexpected Port Wine Stain that covers most of the right side of her body, we just thought that maybe 2 was enough. But the day we brought her home from the hospital, I can remember feeling such joy. It was so overwhelming and in my heart I felt like we were supposed to have one more, but many trips to Texas Children's Hospital brought that feeling to a halt. It isn't easy to take your child in for any medical procedure that requires general anesthesia every six weeks - we did this to lighten the port wine stain and praise God it is working! Then last summer, I was having some pains that I finally went to my doctor about and he suggested either a hysterectomy or a uterine ablation, but I told him I just wasn't ready to give up on having more kids. That night I prayed about it and told God I just couldn't deal with that kind of pain for much longer so i...

I'm not a perfect Christian , or even close to it. I have a tattoo. I like to drink wine. And to be honest, I can think some pretty awful things - but most of us do whether we like to admit it or not. So, to be fair, if you are looking to read a blog with some awesome theology from a grand Christian person, then this is not the one for you. But if you just want something real, from a person who is learning a whole lot about faith right now, please read on. Why then would I choose a blog entitled "Daily Living with Grace?" For starters, you can't live daily without grace. And also, it is the middle name of my third child - Kaydence Grace - and I feel that God told me to use Grace as her middle name (but I'll share that story with you later.) Grace is defined as favor or goodwill, mercy, clemency, or pardon. I thank God daily for His grace upon my life. I also thank God for the experience I will share with you through this blog. So big whoop, huh? Grace, a third...