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Results Are In

So the last thing the nurse told me when she called to tell me about the preliminary test results was not to google CMV. Too late. I already did the week before when I was looking at everything the doctor had told me.

I wish I hadn't. CMV, or cytomegalovirus, is one of a handful of viruses that most people have and never know it, and can cross the placenta to affect the baby. I had a feeling that I knew that this was going to be the cause of what was happening to Kaydence. I knew that I had not felt well during this pregnancy. I had been so weak for a while that I couldn't even stand up more than a couple of minutes. I just thought it was because I was a little older than last time and maybe I was doing too much at work. Plus we had finished building a house and moved at the end of August. But, no, it was CMV.

Fifty to eighty percent of adults have had CMV by the time they are 40. That being said, most of us will test positive for CMV. Doctor Magee even said at a later visit that that most doctors would test positive for it. It can present itself as a cold, some feel like they have Mono as it is very similar. Then it lays dormant. Some women catch this for the first time during pregnancy and this is called a primary infection. A primary infection is very dangerous for babies in the womb. Some develop secondary infections and these are usually a non-issue. You can be tested to see if an infection is primary or not. I did not have this test, but I could've if I'd have pursued it. Where did I get CMV? Who in the world knows?! I could've contracted it from my own kids, maybe while at the river on vacation, or maybe even at work. I don't know.

CMV is bad stuff for babies. It can cause many problems like liver and spleen issues, mental disability, lack of coordination, hearing loss, blindness, seizures, small head size, and yes, death. According to the CDC, babies born with symptoms present at birth are more likely to have permanent disabilities. Issues with CMV don't just stop at birth either. They can keep presenting themselves for the first couple of years of a baby's life.

I was starting to feel a little like my initial prayer to God had been ignored and I really had to work to not feel bitter about this possible diagnosis. My initial prayer was for a healthy baby and no trips to Texas Children's Hospital. I had enough of those. I had enough of those bills. I had enough of calling Blue Cross Blue Shield on a regular basis to question them about payment. I had enough of setting up payment plans. I HAD ENOUGH OF HANDING MY DAUGHTER OVER TO DOCTORS FOR THEM TO PUT HER UNDER EVERY 6 WEEKS!

But then, the Holy Spirit intervened and I eased up. I was reminded that God did not make Kaydence with CMV. He made her healthy. I hope you don't think that I am strange for saying this, but here is how I am making sense of things. She was created healthy, and then an evil caused this CMV. I don't think God cast down CMV on me, but you know part of being a Christian is dealing with difficulties. I can say I've led a pretty charmed life overall. I really cannot complain, even now. God has been very good to me. But evil things happen to and around us all the time. So I felt at peace with everything.

I got the call on Thursday, December 22, confirming that CMV had shown up in the amniotic fluid. I had an appointment with my doctor the next day, but I dreaded it. She had actually called herself to tell me about this news and the last thing she reminded me of was that this infection carries a high risk of still birth. I sat on the stairs in my home and listened. Then I hung up the phone and told Tommy, who was in the kitchen. He asked if I was okay and I said no. I just put my head in my hands and cried. Then he came and sat beside me on those stairs, put his arm around me and sat there with me. But our precious children didn't let me have too long to cry. They came running in and sat there on the steps with us. It felt so good for us to all sit there together and just be comforted.

Comments

  1. Wendy I'm reading all your post and I have such respect for the way you are letting God use you in each step of this journey. My prayers as I state in another comment are with you. I've just told Chuck about all you and Tommy and your babies are going through and we are praying so hard for y'all. Your family is such a blessing. Thank you for sharing your story with the world...you have a way with words that touches lives. Bless you for choosing to use it here.

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