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The Ride Home

I know that last post was pretty emotional stuff, and here I am trying to get in one more post today, but I'm playing a little catch up here since I just started the blog and and this all started a month ago - tomorrow.

Tommy and I didn't say anything for a while, and if we did it was related to how to get out of Dallas. My mind was just racing. I just couldn't BELIEVE that she insinuated that terminating the pregnancy would be an option. And my baby might die! Just over a week before my biggest issue was that I couldn't go to Canton to pick out bedding because of a convention and we wouldn't know the sex of the baby before that. Tommy and I had also been fussing about getting a minivan  (him for, me against) because with 3 kids in seats we couldn't fit them all in my car. Now I was dealing with my baby not even being born alive. This just wasn't going to do!

I was really thankful to be pregnant before the age of 35 because that is when you start being "old" and an amniocentesis is one of those "old mom" things. Here I was looking that test dead in the eye. I asked Tommy what he thought about the amniocentesis even with the risks and he said, "I think we should do it." I did too. In my mind I was also thinking about a possible C-Section and that disturbs me because I didn't even have an epidural with my other 2 children. I've never even had surgery and I'm terrified! I was really trying not to cry on the ride home, but the tears just kept dripping. I texted my little group of friends that I see regularly, my best cousin Julie, Kaydence's namesake Jeana Kay, and my hairdresser. Jeana asked if I wanted to talk about it, and I said no, I was still digesting it, but maybe later.

What? Did I just say I texted my hairdresser in the midst of all this crisis? Yes. Yes I did. Her name is Kasey. Her parents were our neighbors and she grew up with Tommy. Kasey is special to me and a lot of other people because you just don't see many women as strong as her. I can name a few others in this category, but Kasey has 2 children and one who is about to arrive any time now - I can't wait! Her oldest child is Blaire, but she was born with heart complications and passed away at a month old. It was heartbreaking to watch. I was there when her mom came home the night Blaire had passed. She was with her and Kasey and tried to save her, so she was dealing with a lot. Abigail was born on Blaire's birthday so I always remember it. But then Kasey had her second child, a son, and they did all kinds of tests on him before he was born. Garrison, that sweet precious boy we all love, was born with Down Syndrome. It was a surprise. But Kasey just keeps going and we all just keep loving that family. And what would we do without G? He is awesome!

Kasey texted me back a really long text and then she called. On our drive home, it was a scene out of a movie. It was rainy (thankfully cause we need it), cold, miserable, and I was crying. And there was Kasey on the phone to comfort and encourage me. We both bawled and squalled. And then she told me about her amniocentesis experience. She said it felt like a really bad cramp, but don't be afraid of it and we will have so much information from the results it would amaze us. Well that confirmed it, I would have the amniocentesis.

I called my mom and dad and tried to tell them everything without crying, but that didn't happen. We aren't an emotional or touchy feely kind of family, so all of this was just really hard. Tommy told his parents in person though - at least mine was a phone call - but his parents live by us and there wasn't a point in not going over there. Most who know Tommy, know that his brother died in a car wreck several years ago now, and I wasn't around then but I live with that sadness quite often as if I had been. It hurt to know that Mimi and Pop might also face losing a grandchild and would be worried for Tommy. But they've been through the worst already and they are some strong people. As a matter of fact, Mimi came up the next morning and just wrapped her arms around me and cried. I love that woman. I am so lucky to have her as my mother-in-law. ( And I love Pop too!)

So, the new job in question that I had been offered? The next morning I called and had to leave a voice message that I couldn't take the job because I would not be able to be there like I should. I really wanted to take it, but ethically it wouldn't be fair. That hurt pretty bad too.

Then I called the doctor and they told me to come to Dallas that day for the amniocentesis as soon as I could get there.

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